Jack Wilshere

In today's Fiver: Sunglasses and bucket hats, another bad 30th birthday and a hat-trick of own goals.

“I am very much looking forward to contributing to the team.” And while his first move abroad may not be among those he envisaged as a young player with the world at his feet, one of football’s weirdly forgotten and unwanted men has at least secured himself something he openly admits he hasn’t had for some time: a good reason to get up in the morning. The fact that you believe it did is the most surprising thing that has happened since my Uncle Eric’s widow tuned up at his funeral, only to discover for the very first time, upon meeting the other attendees, that her dear departed husband had seven grown-up children and three previous wives” – Mac Millings. Frenkie de Jong sits down for a hot chat with Arthur Renard to discuss an unexpected text from Sergio Busquets, life without Lionel Messi and how Xavi is helping him improve. In the last six months, Jack has kept his head down, sometimes training with his former club and often training alone, despite not knowing what exactly it is he’s training for. In a 19-minute long sit-down with The Athletic last August, the only time Jack Wilshere came close to cracking anything resembling a smile was when he struggled to remember the identities of his close friends in football. His reputation for having ankles made from biscuits doesn’t so much precede him as march in front of him loudly banging a giant drum while shouting “ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO THINK OF SIGNING JACK!”